My terrifying future

I don’t pretend to know where my actions will take me. If my condition of solitude behavior persists, though, I won’t be going anywhere.

Sitting here in solitude at a very early morning hour, before the world is awake, is the flaw that holds my attention. I dream big, I want to go places, and I want a life different than what I’m living right now. To my own dismay these things won’t happen because I’m terrified. I’m terrified of change, I’m terrified of adulthood, I’m terrified of being social, of my health, of my leaders, of every state of regret I’ve ever felt. My friends, mentors, parents and counselors all tell me, “If you get your ass in gear, everything will be alright.” But that’s not going to happen. My ass doesn’t need kicking, and everything never will be right.

The world is a fucked up place, and in my own mind, I feel the weight of everything else crushing down upon me like the bottom of a totem pole. The list of my hatreds towards society extends to the moon and back. I hate American society. I think taxes are a stupid idea. I think this country is plagued by idiots. To clarify that last remark, I’m not insinuating my intelligence is superior, I’m shining light on the fact that this day in age, there is absolutely no excuse to have such abysmal amounts of education. Perhaps that sounds hypocritical coming from someone who isn’t attending college, but education isn’t learned in schools: knowledge is. Education is based on experiences.

Staying at home, I’m not experiencing anything. I’m stuck in solitude as my friends' lives progress, experiencing what I regret not participating in. This is not complaining, it’s sulking. So as of today, I’m fixing ‘me.’

First on agenda tonight is dying my hair rebellious-blue. Why, you say? Why not. As far as I can guarantee, this is the only point in my life (before retirement) where I won’t be employed by a dress-code enforcing company. “Youth is wasted on the young,” is a famous quote by George Bernard Shaw. Knowing this, my plan is to make the best of my youth. Why not dye my hair blue! It’s only logical.

Next, I’m going to travel. For the past few hours, I’ve been looking into discounted Amtrak and Greyhound bus tickets, as I plan to tour the country. Eventually, I hope my destination to be Alaska. Baby steps are required though. Perhaps a trip to Chicago and St. Louis are in order as sort-of trial-run adventures. I’ll hobo-it around for a while and see where I end up. During the course of these adventures, I plan to record my experiences through film and social media. Someone in the distant future who has yet-to-be-born will make a documentary about the Great Davis Remmel, and I’ll make sure my life is available to them with ease.

After my travels, we’ll see what happens. I’m not going to plan everything, otherwise the adventure of life turns into an agenda. True, I’m terrified of life. “Get busy living, or get busy dying,” has never been more applicable.