I'm leaving you for Adobe

Goodbye, Gimp. Goodbye, Inkscape. Goodbye, Scribus. Goodbye, Audacity, and goodbye Cinelerra. I’ve loved you all, but it’s time to move on.

Sure, we had some great times! Remember all those hot, sweltering nights where I tweaked your settings for hours on end? Remember pushing your content from one hard drive to the empty, malleable surface of another (and did it in just the right amount of time)? I’m sorry, but it’s over. I need more than that, I need more than this physical relationship! I’m leaving you for Adobe products…

Why else am I leaving you all? Professionalism. Most companies don’t use you in their daily routine, where if I “go Adobe” I have something substantial and potent to add to my résumé. I won’t always be a young dog, so now is the time to learn new tricks. Don’t worry, I won’t forget how to push your buttons, but in order to stay competitive with other people I must have a diverse carnal knowledge of other applications.

These other programs…after a bit of stumbling around their sensitive areas of input, are really quite easy to use! And they have many more options! And they are more powerful! I can accomplish the same tasks with considerably less energy and time, maximizing my gusto. Really, they make you look like cheap hookers.

Professionals can use hookers too–but not at work. Discharge from these other applications looks better, is more stable, can be saved in newer formats, are all-around more powerful and satisfy me with extendable features. Open source: you’re slick and cheap, but Adobe is ribbed and better performing.

I’m not about to go uninstalling you from my disk, but I might consider it at the pace my relationship with Adobe is advancing. You, on the other hand, might want to consider getting back on the street corner.